Van Diemen’s Land

Moody, extremely well photographed and about cannibals, Van Diemen’s Land can’t help but remind me of 1999’s Ravenous–only, you know, good.

Where Ravenous was hokey and sensationalized–a “bad guy,” double-crosses, boppy music behind life-and-death chase scenes–Van Diemen’s Land looks spooky and subtle, so much so that you might not even catch after one viewing of the preview what the movie is actually about. Which is awesome.

Out now in Australia, no date is set for a US release, and I’m not expecting one. But definitely something to look out for on DVD. Any movie about eating people where I can use the word “subtle” is more than okay in my book.

*And the award for Unbridled Tagline Awesomeness goes to: “Hunger is a strange silence.” Ughhh, poetic and simple like a shiver.

Broken Embraces

I haven’t seen enough of Almodovar’s work. “Almodovar.” Some might say that giving yourself the 1-word name self-branding treatment is unspeakably pretentious (I might agree), but with the kind of respect the artist formerly known as “Pedro” garners from his movies, I’m pretty sure he can do just about whatever the hell he pleases.

What I love about Almodovar’s stuff is how color-oriented it is, the bold reds and blues, always easy to look at. You can even see it in the poster. And there seems to be a duality going on in Broken Embraces that celebrates that, one between reality and fantasy, or maybe memory and present day, where each side warrants its own style, one light and fresh and grounded, pretty, and the other broken and disjointed, cold steely hues and a steady cam.

But it’s not only that; I haven’t seen enough of Penelope Cruz‘ work, either. She’s an absolute monster in Vicky Cristina Barcelona and seems to really be reestablishing herself lately, becoming a regular with Almodovar, working with Woody Allen, playing next to Ben Kingsley in Elegy. There’s something about powerful female leads. I can’t put my finger on it but they almost seem to have some kind of extra layer that men don’t have, something more surprising, maybe. Am I alone on this?

Broken Embraces has already made rounds (to rave reviews) at festivals and will be in US theaters (in NY and LA) later this year. If you don’t live there, well, besides being square, you should probably make it a Netflix.

The Attic Door

Child actors are so hit or miss with me. The little girl in The Fall? Brilliant. Anikan in Episode I? Well…that’s too easy. But you get what I mean.

Kids are rarely great performers and almost never seem like actual kids. And that’s what I worry about in The Attic Door. But besides their two iffy lines of dialogue, the atmosphere coming off this thing is killer and leaves me literally aching to see what in the name of all things holy is up in that attic.

What the filmmakers call on their blog a “haunting and romantic story about growing up,” the teaser for The Attic Door is deliciously vague–carnivorously vague. What we get are these disjointed tidbits of information: 1) the kids are alone, by themselves in an empty house tucked away in a sandy, golden, empty part of the world, and 2) there’s something they’re afraid of. A ghost, maybe. Or whatever’s in the attic. Or whatever.

I honestly can’t find a date to expect The Attic Door, even in limited theaters. This is a tiny, tiny movie and it seems from the creators’ site that they’re scraping whatever money they can together to get it distributed. So keep an eye out.

Until then, you’ll just have to get your jollies from the puffy shirt that kid’s rocking in the still above. Pretty sure that makes him the first pirate.

Runner Ups (click the titles for trailers):
Pirate Radio
Not that this looks bad, but biopicish-type films just usually aren’t my cup of tea. That being said, Phillip Seymore Hoffman stars, and in my book, he’s hands down one of the best working actors today and maybe the most intense living actor of our time. I’ll at least consider anything he’s a part of. And plus, it’s a cool story. The very idea a ship full of people infected with a case of stickittotheman neosis sailing off to rock feels more like a righteous fable in today’s age of factory-line pop than anything else. In theaters this Friday.

Antichrist
The only reason I’m not including this in the main list is because it’s already out in limited markets. Nowhere near me, of course, but I’m sure in Chicago and NY it’s available. Starring Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg (The Science of Sleep, I’m Not There) as “He” and “She,” Antichrist is about, well…it’s hard to say: a psychiatrist, a patient, nature, religion, sex. The trailer is surreal and darkly beautiful, telling of a woman’s imagined (or maybe not) journey toward the Garden of Eden. Before the Garden, though, are the woods, and “Nature is Satan’s church.” This movie looks trippy and bodacious.

A Tale of Two Sisters
Director Ji-woon Kim
Release: June 13, 2003
**** 4/5

I’m going to impart to you words of wisdom that were once given to me.

My friends and I, we were about 15 when The Ring came out and my brother was the first to see it. When he came back, he’d tell me if it was any good, worth my important 15-year-old time. And it turns out it was. He came home excited, not wanting to say too much except that I had to see it. But there was one more thing, he told me–and this was the pivotal part: “You better bring your crappin’ boots.”

It was one of those lines that made no sense if you broke it down but I understood immediately: the movie was so scary it’d make you crap your pants, the crap so big that it’d proceed down toward your shoes. Obviously. See, in cases like these, cases of terrifying cinema, your footwear becomes exceedingly important. What do you do right before the final shot of Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Simply apply your crappin’ boots. What’s on the agenda right around the 70min mark of [REC]? Crappin’ boots. And in the case of A Tale of Two Sisters, well, let’s just say you might want to want to dust off the old CBs and slip those puppies on. Because you’re definitely gonna need ‘em.

From Korean writer-director Ji-woon Kim, A Tale of Two Sisters follows sisters Su-mi and Su-yeon as they, along with their father, move back into their old house with their absurdly creepy step-mother after a time away, alluded to early on, to “get well.”

This is one of those rare horror movies that feels like it wasn’t actually made by a horror director*. And by that I mean that it seems more concerned with setting a tone, creating a mood and cementing its style than it does with just scaring you. Which is exactly what makes it horrifying. The film-making here is careful and meticulous, each shot more tender and ominous than the last. Whether it’s the film’s lush coloring, vibrant use of sound or conscious pacing, Kim feels in complete and absolute control of every frame, not just building tension and mystery, not just drawing you further and further in like some kind of hypnosis, but delivering images, quietly and consistently, both beautiful and terrible, terrifying and poetic. From an aesthetic standpoint alone, the film is like a flipbook of framed paintings, a perfectly orchestrated symphony of strange.

*note: feels the way other films do when their directors dabble outside their niche–like John Landis making An American Werewolf in London, or Sam Medes’ Jarhead, or Ang Lee taking on the comic genre for Hulk. Say what you want about any of those but each has a “genre-exception”-type quality about it, all interesting results.

At its heart A Tale of Two Sisters is a ghost story. But it’s as much about family and relationships and love as it is anything dark or grim–which is maybe what makes it work so well. There’s a real helplessness to watching characters you’ve grown to know, and like, and feel for, going down roads you know will inevitably end in tragedy. There’s this great heartbreaking quality about it.

And I often miss opportunities to write about good movies or episodes or whatever else because of procrastination–I let them sit in my draft pile until their shine wears off and I lose the passion. But I forced myself to do this one while everything was still fresh, its memory and affect. Because I want to remember it.

I want to remember sitting by myself with the lights off and grinning, saying “ohmygodohmygodohmygod” to no one as images reflect off my face and the absurdly creepy step-mother walks briskly up the stairs to Su-yeong’s room. I want to remember being not just impressed with the movie’s scares but actually scared by them, waking up the next morning and for one irrational and glorious half-second imagining fingernails scraping against the floor or a girl crawling across my carpet, feeling a pit flash through my stomach right before I remember, oh yeah, I’m supposed to be an adult. All of it. I want to hold onto the experience of that first watch, not just because ones like these don’t happen that often but because, in a way, these moments kind of encapsulate an odd in-between time for me. Between college and real life, FL and possibly NY, sundown and when I finally fall asleep. Which is weird to think about but seems important to acknowledge.

Anyway, the last 30minutes or so of the film get a little muddled, but their repercussions (and it’s so hard to talk about without spoiling anything) are just absolutely brutal. And the style is never, ever, compromised.

A modern horror film with style? Oh yeah, this one’s special. Screen it in surround sound and make sure all the lights are off.

Oh, and don’t forget your crappin’ boots.

(Or not. Even though it doesn’t really ruin anything, personally, I’d skip it. It’s flashy and over-dramatic. Better to go in fresh. Just sayin’.)

I admit it, right from the get-go: I don’t get remakes. I just don’t. That being said, when I saw Rec a month or so ago and it immediately became my favorite horror film in years, my favorite zombie flick maybe ever…let’s just say it wasn’t looking good for Quarantine. I love scary movies–there’s really nothing like the rush of seeing a killer horror for the first time–but I’ve realized in my ripe old age that I have about zero faith in the genre. And when you start throwing numbers at the end of titles or re-recording them in English, that’s when I officially become a skeptic.

And I say “re-record” instead of “remake” consciously. Because in a lot of ways, that’s what Quarantine feels like. So much is the same, the way things go down, when, to whom. Even the apartment building looks like the very same one from the original. And in a way, I don’t know, I guess that’s fine–only because I know that if they’d changed everything I’d probably complain about that, too. But somewhere down the Quarantine line–beside a few choice alterations here and there–”loyalty” starts to feel weirdly close to “thievery.” And you gotta stop and ask yourself, Why was this film made?

For anyone who doesn’t know, both movies revolve around a TV hostess and her cameraman, shadowing a couple firefighters to capture what a typical night in a firehouse is like. So when a call comes in, they tag along. Except things go bad when a sick old woman attacks a cop. Then, without explanation, police outside have the building locked up and sealed shut.

And I’m trying to be fair here. Part of me knows that if I’d have seen Quarantine first, who knows, I might be more enthusiastic about it now. So in that way, you might say Rec “ruined” me. But in the words of the great William Shatner, “I can’t get behind that kinda logic!” If that were the case it would only be so because the latter stole its script and style and story from the former. Quarantine does have its scares, it’s tense, enjoyable–Jennifer Carpenter is great as always. But when Rec was over, I was done. My skin was crawling, my fists were clenched. I had that completely irrational hesitation for a second before I opened my bedroom door, like maybe someone could be out there. It was like I was 7 years old again, swimming in my pool and imaging the Jaws music then freaking out, flailing as fast as I could to the ledge. But I didn’t have any of that with Quarantine. Which sucks. So really, what’s the point?

Rec 2 (which I first wrote about last month, “Do You Dare Return?”) has already been screening for a few weeks at film festivals and will release widely in Spain on October 2nd (get it? Oct. 2, Rec 2? the stuff of marketing genius, right there) So who knows when non-Spanish normal people will get to sink their teeth into it, but check out the teaser embedded below. Personally, I think it’s pretty cool, so vague and ominous. A lot of horror trailers ruin some solid scares because they give things away in their promos, but this one does just the opposite. Just the bloody leavings of a war-zone. Some screams and crashes upstairs. And you know we’re going upstairs.

So the teaser I like. Now I’m just trying to keep an open mind about the whole “sequel” thing. 2 is gonna be up against the same odds that Quarantine was, and I hate to say it, but I’m expecting the same lukewarm result.

Director: Juame Balaguero & Paco Plaza
Release: November 23, 2007
***** 5/5

Quarantine
Director: John Dowdle
Release: October 10, 2008
*** 3/5

If you’ve read anything I’ve posted in the past, you know that I complain a lot about horror movies that don’t take themselves completely seriously. It’s one of my soap boxes. Lately, though…I don’t know, I think I’m just grateful for the style, any horror film made by true horror lovers. They’re so sparse these days and I think it just makes me happy to get lost in overdone cobwebs and ridiculous amounts of fog, even if there is a part of me still craving for something more. What about you? Are you sick of these mixed-genre lighthearted horrors or does the sight of rubber masks and gaudy Halloween decor make you weird amounts of giddy?

It’s probably a nostalgia thing. There’s just something perfect and innocent about that bright orange plastic pumpkin we’d carry around from house to house collecting candy when we were small. The autumn breeze. Walking moonlit streets with friends, ducking behind bushes then jumping out to scare the girls coming down a driveway. It doesn’t get any more “youth” than that.

But it’s that tagline…that’s what really gets me. Honestly, I’m interested by the trailer; I think the movie looks to be a creepy and spot on kind of throwback. But that tagline! “Talk on the phone. Finish your homework. Watch TV. DIE.”

Are you kidding me?! How great is that!

The House of the Devil hits theaters the day before Halloween.

Not gonna lie, watching a majority of the preview I was already planning what I’d say in my post, and it wasn’t good. Not that my mind had been made up, of course, but the phrase “tell me this isn’t the most un-scary, un-cool thing you’ve ever seen” might have been floating around somewhere in the thought process. Just saying. But then, to my surprise, The Wolf Man kind of charmed me. And now I’m not sure.

What I Know:
-1. I’m not big on the old time romance-era London they chose for the setting–that I know for sure.
-And 2. I think the acting looks pretty stiff and awful, and so does the writing (angry British aristocrat in top hat: “You were bitten by the beast! You bear his mark now!” / the world: Laughing).

But:
-Rick Baker (the special effects mastermind behind An American Werewolf in London) is heading the makeup and effects, and from what they show us of the transformation, it looks pretty cool. It’s supposed to be a mix between CGI and physical.
-And the second half of the trailer when Del Toro’s on the loose and pissed off…well, maybe I’m just a sucker for werewolves.

My instinct says this movie will be terrible, but maybe in a guilty pleasure kind of way. No matter what, the trailer makes for good conversation. My expectations aren’t exactly bursting at the seams where it comes to the full-moon genre, anyway.

The Wolf Man is planned for Feb 12 of next year.

*”The prodigal son returns.” – Quick note: If I have to hear this line one more time in TV or film I’m gonna lose it. Seriously. It’s definitely not bad the way fall-backs like “You make me sick!” (which Mad Men actually had the balls to use in its premier last Sunday!) or “You disgust me!” are, but they’re all in the same pool of lines that seem to be on some screenwriter quota. Enough’s enough, already. This is me calling shenanigans.

But here’s the exception, a sequel to the 2007 Spanish zombie flick [REC]. And in short, I’m worried about it. I’m sorry but I am. I absolutely loved the first [REC]–it gave me a kind of chill I hadn’t felt since (don’t laugh) the last shot in Sleepaway Camp, when I first watched that a few years ago. Ugh, don’t remind me… But I can’t help but always be pessimistic about horror sequels. To me it seems that when a horror works it’s like a kind of magic. It had to have come at the right time and been shocking and new and exciting. But sequels are different. The ground has already been set, we’re already familiar with the apartment complex and the virus inside. Not to mention there’s always the chance the plot could feel stretched out or forced.

The plot here is pretty simple: a medical officer and a SWAT team are sent into the apartment building to contain the situation, finally. So from that I’m guessing it will pick up right where the first one left off. And it might be cool to see first film’s main characters as zombies or find out more about that ridiculously creepy lost girl in the attack. So who knows. The same directing team is behind it and 2 of the 3 original writers–and it’s not like there’s never been a good horror sequel before. But this isn’t other horrors. Something like Aliens was awesome but it’s a completely different movie than its predecessor, almost more action than horror. And there are a hundred other good sequels out there, so don’t get me wrong. But there’s also about 100,000 bad ones. The same setting, same stakes, just different people…I don’t know. Hopefully I’m just a cynic.

[REC]2 will have an October 9th release in Spain. Here’s hoping it doesn’t wank.

From Paul Weitz, the director of American Pie, Chris Rock’s Down to Earth and that Hugh Grant “romcom” About a Boy, Cirque du Freak meets its vampire quota through a story of a bored kid looking for a little adventure, a way out of his bored little life in his bored little town, and how he turns himself into a vampire to do it. That’s its story. But we all know better. The story isn’t what’s important here-what is, is that there are vampires, having them onscreen and not missing an opportunity to cash in on a craze. Que Mugatu from Zoolander leaning over and whispering, “Vampires, they’re so hot right now.”

To be completely honest, I don’t think the movie looks as terrible as I’m making it out. But what I’m surprised about is John C. Reilly’s involvement. I mean, this is a guy who’s repeatedly worked with Martin Scorsese and PT Anderson. This is a guy who across the board is critically lauded. I know he enjoys making comedies–and he’s great at it–and it should be fun to watch him in a trench coat and ‘fro, flying around and debunking the lore–but really, what is he doing here?

The Vampire’s Assistant is based off of the first novel in the British “Vampire Blood” trilogy, which comprises the first 3 of 12 books in the The Saga of Darren Shaw series. So definitely expect more of these to come because this is trying to be a franchise. I just wonder if they’ve waited too long, whether people will still care come movie 3, or even 2.

Dust off those Bill Compton fangs (Dracula was so 20th century) and catch Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant just in time for Halloween on October 23rd.

To be fair, it’s not only flesh-eaters. Vampires, too, they’re huge right now, part of a kind of second wind for the supernatural–which I’d always hoped for but envisioned more in horror. I wanted more of a return to the risky-creative Hellraisers and Nightmare on Elm Streets of the ’80s, mostly to get away from all of these carbon-copy teen slashers of now. But it seems instead we’re just getting floods of more deadhead horror-comedies, more sexy fanger flicks.

But whatever, as far as television goes, especially network television, this could definitely be cool. AMC has picked up the rights to adapt the hugely popular black & white The Walking Dead comic series, with Frank Darabont (The Shawshank Redemption) writing and directing. It will be a serious action/drama and, beside HBO, there’s really no other network I’d rather see taking on the project.

If this were a movie, I might say who cares. But as a series I’m pretty into it, especially since AMC seems to be on a total tear right now, making a very attainable run to be the premier station on TV for original series right now. From the success they’ve had so far with their intelligent and understated programming, I really don’t see them trying to get by with non-stop action for The Walking Dead, either. At least I hope they won’t. Because I want something awful. This is the end of the world, after all; your family’s just turned into cannibals, your friends are decaying. Give me a zombie story for adults and I promise you, you’ll have me at “Braaaaiiiiiins!”

(hehehe… had to be done)

It does seem weird, I’ll give you that, to go from the hand-drawn credit sequences and cutesy indie tunes of Juno to a supernatural slasher. But if you go by the celebratory nature of the horror esoteric in the former (references to Dario Argento, etc.), maybe we should’ve expected Diablo Cody’s second movie to be a teen blood circus about a demon-possessed Megan Fox using her sex appeal to rip apart high school boys with her bare, demon hands.

…Or, maybe we should have at least expected something bloody.

By now everyone probably already knows the story. Diablo Cody, who penned and won an Oscar for Juno back in ‘07, used to be a stripper and phone sex operator before she sold her first screenplay. That was big news back when her film was storming through festivals and making its way toward the finish line of the Oscar race two years ago. But now her second movie is completed and just around the corner, and it’s getting just as much attention.

It’s called Jennifer’s Body, and it’s starring everybody’s favorite imaginary squeeze, Megan Fox. Check out the Red Band Trailer at the foot.

It does look like a lot of fun. And even though it seems like the exact kind of “horror” that I criticized in my “Horror Is Dead” post, I have to say it’s gotten my attention.

On the one hand you have Diablo Cody who, beside having one of the coolest names in Hollywood, seems to be making a huge departure from her first script–which is always great to see. But on the other you have Fox, who’s so high up right now on a fan-made pedestal of hottness that she seems untouchable. Which could mean two things: Either she’s going to coast on that following, play the part of the young icon that brings almost nothing but her looks and automatic big ticket sales to the table–or she’s going to set out to prove herself, which to me seems more likely in this case.

It’s hilarious. The other day I was reading the beginnings of a Michael Bay/Megan Fox word war. Fox made some comments about how Bay’s films aren’t exactly known for highlighting acting prowess as much as they were running and screaming. In fact, she said, the Transformers films only really showcased “7%” of her talent. (And, obviously, at this point in the article it immediately became my favorite of all time.) She then took a shot at Transformers II, saying that she still doesn’t even understand it–which means that “it must be a movie made for geniuses.”

And just like that, I hopped on and became a Kool-aid guzzling member of the Megan Fox bandwagon.

After that, Bay talked to a reporter or someone and said those comments were typical Fox, and that she sometimes “says some very ridiculous things because she’s 23 years old and she still has a lot of growing to do.” Then he proceeded to list actors he’s made with his movies, ones like Will Smith, Ben Affleck and, oh yeah, Megan Fox.

Really, how can you get any better than this kind of ridiculous back-and-forth? I’m still waiting for a Fox counterattack. Check out the full exchange here.

Anyway, the point is that Megan Fox definitely has something to prove. And it’ll be cool to see her all covered in blood and disgusting, trying hard to blossom into more than just the girl in the short skirt who bends over open car hoods in movies about fighting robots.

One last thing. The poster for Jennifer’s Body was released a few weeks ago, and I have to say I like that too. I also liked it when HBO used it last year to market Alan Ball of Six Feet Under’s new vampire series True Blood. I mean, really, get a load of both of them below. Can you get any more shameless?

Look for Jennifer’s Body to start “killing” in box office sales September 18th. Get it? “Killing.” …Because the movie’s a slasher…